My previous comment wasn't meant as a 'You're bad, find another job' comment. There are a few small adjustments you can make that you might be overlooking and I simply wanted to point that out. I just go into DF with the mindset that it's going to be a bit chaotic regardless. Maybe I'm crazy, but I actually found members spamming AoE or trying to tank in my stead to be a much needed challenge element added to early instances. Not trying to sound like a badass either, but the experience I have had in other MMOs leads me to think of uses for spells and abilities that other people might overlook or might not use efficiently.
A few things that not a lot of people take advantage of is closing combos on secondary targets or even moving on to secondary targets before the first one dies. If you have a combo that has the effect of additional enmity for example, you can 'open' the combo on your primary target(dealing damage and maintaining aggro after the initial pull) and then 'close' it on another target to shore up aggro to offset group members using AoE or incoming heals. Unless it was changed recently, the closer will still have the added effect as long as your opener didn't miss. Once you have sufficient aggro on the primary kill target, move on to the secondary. Your damage isn't really all that important and the only thing you may need to switch back for is an interrupt.
You should also be using the target of target button frequently, especially if you're losing hate. Simply select the member of your group who is taking damage, press the target of target key(T by default I think, but I have it bound elsewhere) to quickly locate the stray mob and use whatever necessary spells or abilities to recover hate. That's probably the fastest way to identify the target of a party member who isn't attacking you.
Remember that it can be used on mobs as well. Quick example:
x> O> <v <v (where you are the x, the mob is O and your group memebers are v, > and < are facing direction)
It might be hard to identify which group member pulled hate if the mob turns around to attack one of them. No sweat. Hit the target of target button and pop cover and/or fire off a preemptive heal. Different classes will have different tools to fit the occasion, just pick whatever works best for your class. Your healer is none the wiser and you have aggro back before your group member can even type 'QQ'
It will depend on the class you play, but generally if your support classes are leveled up then you will have all the tools you need. It's just a matter of understanding how they all work and selecting the right spell or ability.
